What to Do When Resentment Is Building Up in Your Team

Resentment in the workplace can become a poison that kills possibilities and productivity.

It shows up quietly, in reduced enthusiasm, in people doing “just enough,” in tension during meetings, in creativity drying up, in conversations that never quite happen.

And while resentment is often treated as a personal flaw or attitude problem, it’s rarely that simple.

Resentment is a signal. A sign that something in the system is under strain.

An Important Distinction: Not All Resentment Is the Same

Let’s name something clearly.

For some people, resentment has become a lifestyle. You know those people: resentment as identity, as armour, as a way of relating to the world.

That’s not what this article is about.

This is about people who are:

• dedicated to their work

• bright, perceptive, and capable

• emotionally intelligent

• invested in doing meaningful work

• natural contributors and go-getters

When these people become resentful, you have to pay attention.

Because their resentment isn’t laziness or resistance.

It’s often a sign they’ve been:

• over-giving

• holding things together quietly

• navigating unclear expectations

• carrying invisible or emotional labor

• caring deeply without being met halfway

When this kind of resentment is ignored, businesses don’t just lose morale.

They lose trust, leadership potential, institutional knowledge, and eventually, people.

Ignoring resentment in high-capacity employees is expensive.

Why Resentment Builds in Teams

Resentment tends to build when:

• expectations are unclear or unspoken

• responsibility is unevenly distributed

• people give beyond sustainable capacity

• emotional or invisible labor goes unacknowledged

• truth doesn’t feel safe to express

Under chronic stress, nervous systems move into survival mode.

In survival mode, people stop asking and start coping.

They overfunction. They go quiet. They disengage.

And resentment grows in the background.

When Leaders Avoid the Questions and Blame the Team Instead

There’s a pattern I see often.

Managers and directors are themselves overwhelmed, overextended, and overfunctioning. They don’t ask deeper questions, not because they don’t care, but because they feel trapped by constraints they believe they don’t have jurisdiction to change.

They often become counter-resentful:

• resentful toward those above them, for the same reasons their team is resentful

• resentful toward their team: “Do they not see how much I’m working for them behind closed doors?”

Inquiry begins to feel dangerous.

Avoidance and defensiveness creep in.

And over time, resentment in the team gets reframed as a personality issue.

People are labeled:

• “negative”

• “bitter”

• “difficult”

• “resistant”

Sometimes they’re managed out. Sometimes they leave.

And when new people are hired, they’re told:

“Your predecessor was very resentful. We wanted someone fresh and positive like you.”

What’s being replaced isn’t the problem.

It’s the messenger.

This is the workplace version of “all my exes were crazy.”

Eventually, the same dynamics repeat, because the system never changed.

Normalize the Conversation—Without Blame

One of the most powerful moves a leader can make is to name resentment as a human experience, not a failure.

You might say:

“In most teams, resentment shows up at some point, especially when people care. I want us to have a way to talk about it before it turns into burnout or withdrawal.”

This reduces shame, lowers defensiveness, and signals psychological safety.

Resentment that can be spoken can become a possibility for change. Resentment that can’t be spoken becomes toxic.

Observe the System Before You Try to Fix It

Resentment cannot be resolved in urgency.

Before problem-solving:

• lower down your defences

• allow space

• regulate the nervous system in the room

A regulated nervous system can hear nuance. A stressed one hears threat.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do… is slow down.

Look Together, Without Needing Solutions

Create space to explore:

• what’s working

• what isn’t working

• what is heavy or strained

Without needing to fix it immediately.

Ask open-ended questions:

• What’s working here that we might not be acknowledging?

• What isn’t working, even if we’ve normalized it?

• What’s possible here that we haven’t considered yet?

When leaders stay curious instead of corrective, they start receiving real information.

You may discover that:

• someone has outgrown their role

• someone is under intense pressure outside of work

• someone has ideas that were dismissed too quickly

• someone is carrying far more than anyone realized

Listening does not mean agreeing. Inquiry does not mean promising outcomes.

It means working with what is, instead of assumption.

Awareness Is Not Judgment

There is a critical distinction leaders must learn.

Awareness opens space. Judgment closes it.

Saying “this person is resentful” can be awareness:

“Okay, this is information. What’s possible here?”

Or it can be judgment:

“This is bad. This person is the problem.”

Once someone is villainized, they can no longer contribute freely. They must defend themselves, or leave.

Awareness allows 360-degree movement. Judgment locks everyone into one narrow viewpoint.

This isn’t about morality. It’s about effectiveness.

If decisions are based on assumptions, or lies, how can a system thrive long-term?

The Antidotes: Curiosity and True Vulnerability

Two qualities consistently change the field of a team.

Curiosity

Staying in question instead of conclusion. Choosing possibility over fixed mindset.

Curiosity reduces defensiveness and increases creativity.

True Vulnerability

Not oversharing. Not weakness.

True vulnerability is having no walls or barriers, no defending, avoiding, or controlling.

When leaders drop their armor:

• nervous systems relax

• people put down weapons of control (including resentment)

• information flows

• creativity returns

Culture doesn’t change through control. It changes through how safe it is to tell the truth and ask questions.

When We Stop Avoiding What Is, New Possibilities Emerge

Avoidance makes problems overwhelming and isolating.

But when leaders and teams look together:

• constraints clarify

• options expand

• systems evolve

Sometimes it becomes clear that:

• more resources or funding are required

• roles need redesign

• workloads need redistribution

And instead of each person drowning alone in their own corner, the team comes together to create what’s needed.

Sometimes the truth is that someone’s next evolution lies elsewhere.

Handled with awareness, this doesn’t weaken the system, it renews it.

Teams that face storms together become stronger. They don’t shy away from difficult conversations. They’re capable of real culture change.

Creating the Inner Conditions for Honest Conversation: Access Bars®

Even with the best intentions, honest conversations are hard when nervous systems are stuck in fight, flight, or freeze.

Access Bars® is a gentle, hands-on process that helps:

• reset the brain

• dissipate stored emotional charge

• quiet mental overactivity

• relax the nervous system

When the nervous system settles, clarity becomes available.

People can look at situations with fresh eyes. They can hear information without immediately defending.

Curiosity and vulnerability become possible again.

Imagine you and your team receiving this kind of support.

What conversations could finally happen? What creativity could return? What culture shift could emerge?

Sometimes the most effective way to change a conversation… is to first change the state from which it’s happening.

A Final Word

Resentment isn’t a leadership failure.

It’s an invitation.

When met with awareness, curiosity, and vulnerability, it becomes a doorway to stronger teams, wiser systems, and workplaces where people don’t become less of themselves to survive; but more of themselves to contribute.

Have you ever witnessed or experienced resentment in the workplace? How did you handle it?